Nightcap or Career Test: Did I Choose Wrong?

"Being collegial doesn’t have to mean saying yes to every social invitation, especially when you’re uncomfortable."

UN Special Adviser Tutu Morgan, takes today's dilemma.

I’m 28 and work as a consultant, often traveling to different client offices abroad. During a recent international site visit, a senior partner casually suggested I join him for a nightcap after dinner. I felt pressured to say yes, even though I was tired and uncomfortable with the idea. I didn’t want to seem rude, uncooperative, or like I wasn’t a “team player.” I keep wondering if my professional reputation would have suffered if I’d declined — or if agreeing sent the wrong message. How do I navigate situations where social pressure blurs professional boundaries without risking my career progress?

Oh, I’ve been there – that moment where you’re smiling politely, weighing whether saying no will make you seem standoffish or “difficult.” Especially early in your career, and in client-facing roles like consulting, the unspoken rules can feel really heavy. But here’s the truth: you don’t owe anyone your presence after hours, especially if it compromises your comfort. Saying no to a nightcap doesn’t make you less professional or less committed. It just means you’re drawing a healthy line, and that’s something I wish more women felt empowered to do.

Being collegial doesn’t have to mean saying yes to every social invitation, especially when you’re uncomfortable. A polite but firm "I'm heading to rest up for tomorrow" is both professional and completely valid. In my experience, the people worth working with, and for, will respect those boundaries. Those who don't reveal themselves quickly. Over time, I’ve found that maintaining my professionalism actually earned more respect than trying to blend into every after-hours situation. International consulting demands a lot of stamina and judgment; guarding your energy and integrity is not a weakness, it's a strength. Trust that you can build strong relationships during working hours, and don’t be afraid to invest in the kind of reputation that puts your skills, not your social availability, at the center.

Over time, I have learned that boundaries aren’t barriers; they’re anchors. You can still be respected, successful, and even well-liked without stretching yourself thin socially. The right people – the ones who value your contribution – won’t measure your worth by your willingness to drink with them at 10pm. You get to decide how you show up in your career, and doing so with clarity and self-respect will serve you far more than any single night out ever could.

Tutu is a special adviser to the UNGA Secretary General, based in Geneva Switzerland. She has over a decade of UN experience, starting off as an Intern at UNDP. She has a BA in Journalism and a MA in Political Communications.

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